(I thought it would be interesting to write the next chapter in As I lay Dying. I have found it
challenging to write from Darl’s perspective, and so I did not even try to
write in his vernacular dialect. I think Darl is the most intelligent and sympathetic
person in the story and his ability to understand different perspectives allowed
him be closer to the people around him.)
Now that I am dead, I have
come to the realization that my mother died long before Cash began to build her
coffin. I am dead like my mother, and my own family made me this way. My head
is frustrated and confused, but I forgive them for what they did. It hurt the
most to discover that Cash was in on my demise. But I forgive him, he said “sometimes
I aint so sho who’s got ere a right to say when a man is crazy and when he aint…one of us had to do something.” I was just putting
everyone out of their misery, especially the people who were lending us their
tools and things. My mother’s wish didn’t need to be carried out because she
couldn’t feel anymore. I wonder what killed my mother. Maybe my mother died
when she left Jefferson, kind of how Vardaman’s fish died. Or perhaps my mother
obtained my father’s empty heart from being around him so much. My father has
moved on with his life. And the Bundren life won’t change much until Dewey Dell’s
surprise arrives.
I suppose this is how my
mother felt when she died. The only difference being that I don’t have anyone
with me to avenge. My mother only communicated through words with Jewel. She
couldn’t even communicate with her husband, my father couldn’t feel her revenge.
It’s funny how my mother’s plans for revenge, just allowed my father to buy new
teeth and pick up a new wife. I think everyone but my father suffered on our trip
to Jefferson. But my mother was right when she said “sin and love and fear are
just sounds that people who never sinned nor loved nor feared have for what
they never had and cannot have until they forget the words.” Words don’t mean
anything until there is some kind of action to move them. But I still hope that
Dewey Dell stops worrying so she can feel love. Maybe Cash’s leg will heal properly
so he can make some money for the new baby. Vardaman’s mother will always be a
fish and Jewel’s mother will always be a horse. And so it’s like I said, “It
takes two people to make you, and one people to die. That’s how the world is
going to end.”
